Well, it's been awhile since I wrote last. I'm not sure what to write, so we shall see how this ends up. There are so many things that run through my brain on a daily basis.
When I wake up, I see an empty spot next to me in our bed. I can usually make it through the morning and then in the car, I let loose. I think it's my way of "getting it out." Then, for the most part, I have a decent day. I think about Brandon pretty much hourly. I love when I'm doing something and a memory of him pops into my head. Most of the time, I smile or get a giggle out of it. I love those moments. Brandon always made me smile and laugh. I love that there are daily reminders of that. I truly believe that he's with me daily...not all day but at times...especially when I need him.
So far, I have celebrated my 29th birthday at the end of March and that was ok. I'm so thankful for all the love and support that people have shown me. It truly was a great day. Then, my friends from Cleveland came down for the weekend and I got to enjoy their company and good times. It's always a good time with them. God truly blessed us with amazing friends who have never left us even though we haven't lived in Cleveland in 9 years!
Now, we have Easter coming this Sunday. These are the times where I miss him the most. It's the firsts. Mackenzie's first Easter. All these firsts. I hate them and at the same time they are amazing because there is such life in our little girl. She's starting to crawl (starting.....she still likes rolling wayyy more!). Starting to gag on foods like he did...which totally makes me laugh because she does the same thing he used to do! Starting to be more vocal...all these firsts....It hurts so bad and at the same time there is such joy in it all. I truly thank God that he blessed us with Mackenzie because no matter how hard these "firsts" are, she can bring a smile and laugh to my face.
In the last three months, Brandon passed away, my cousin Matt passed away, and then our family friend Sally passed away.....There's my 3...I can't really deal with all that anyways, but I'd love for this to stop happening. I'm beginning to think there is one helluva party in Heaven and I'm just not cool enough to join. Story of my life! haha.
Anyways, I became really slack on Mackenzie's monthly posts. It totally stinks and I wish I hadn't. She deserves the world and all the memories possible. I'm sure she will forgive me one day haha. Heck, the internet will probably be a thing of the past by then!
I'd really like than thank every single person that continues to check on me and show me love and support. It means more than you'll ever know. I have to constantly remind myself that I can be happy, it's just a choice I have to make. I was happy with Brandon and Mackenzie...I still have her and everyone else in my life...I can still be happy....So here's to more good days than bad and remembering the good times with my soul mate.
Enough of my ramblings...Not sure this post does anything, but I like typing and I like sharing my rambling thoughts...
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter and you take time to be with your loved ones.
