Very Fitting

It's ironic that this blog is called One Step at a Time....because literally that's how my days go here lately.  As you all know, Brandon went to Heaven on January 28th.  I still think I am living this surreal life that one day I will wake up and my world will be normal again.  Who thinks about their husband passing away at the age of 31?  We were married for 3 1/2 years...together for over 11.  Who ever thinks that while making memories of your life, that one day it will be all you have left?  Brandon and I were high school sweethearts...kind of!  I was 17 and a junior in high school when we began dating for the 2nd time and he was 19.  He has always been the one for me.  I've loved him as long as I can even remember.  He made me laugh till I cried, smile until it hurt, and do things I never would have.  He taught me that money doesn't matter, that doing things that make you happy now are more important, and how to have fun in life.  He made my world brighter.  He made me laugh when times were rough....He was my strength when I wasn't.  He was my shoulder to cry on...

This blog is so incredibly difficult to write.  I'm not writing it for me...ok well maybe I am.  I want Mackenzie to remember every single thing about her Dad.  He loved being a Dad so much.  He loved her with every ounce of his heart.  She was his pride and joy.  In his last moments, he thought about her.  Not himself.  She was his everything.  I know he loved me more than anything, but that baby girl was his everything.  She looks like him and acts like him in every way...I hope that never changes.

Let's talk about things I have learned recently.  Life is short...unbelievably short.  Who cares what you look like, how much money you have, what your job is, or how many expensive things you have.  What matters is that you have someone that loves you no matter what.  That someone tells you your beautiful every single day.  That they tell you they love you every chance they get.  They make your world a better place.  They give you the greatest gift on Earth---love----and through love you get a baby.  Unconditional love....he loved me with everything he had...always..no matter if we were fighting or now.  In turn, nothing else matters.  I have been able to love and be loved for the past 11 years by this amazing man.  I have a beautiful baby girl that reminds me of how much we loved each other.  Brandon and I will be together one day....and for now I have to just keep his memory alive for Mackenzie....Her father was such an amazing man that taught me so much about life. He lived for the day, each and every day....and so will I.  He was my world....he was my heart and soul...he was my everything....he was such an inspiration to me.

For now, I will take life One Step at a Time and try to make him proud in everything I do and raise our baby girl to have his heart and soul.  I'm hoping that keeping this blog will help me get through this.  So if you want to read it, go ahead...If not, it's ok.

(no pictures this post....maybe later....my heart has a very hard time with pictures right now)